What’s sweeter than kids and candy? Kids selling candy.
That’s what I used to believe. I was WRONG.
I bought Peanut M&M’s from a kid and ended up with a cracked tooth.
Is that what I get for giving to charity. This is how it’s going to go down God??? GAME ON!
Never has rain been so hotly contested! Rain: Is it good or bad? Today I received this shocking email!
“
To Mr. Reinhard,
My name is Samuel L. Jones. I am the mayor of the GREAT town of Mobile, Alabama! I have read your recent posts about rain and I wanted to chime in before YOU had the chance to. Let me first provide you with some important information. The great town of Mobile is the wettest place in the United States, averaging 67 inches of rainfall a year. That is almost 2X as much as the pussy city of Seattle!
Secondly, FUCK YOU. I am tired of hearing how you are tired of rain. You live in Los Angeles. What…it rains like 5 times a year over there??? Suck it up poser. Do you know how much 67 inches is??? That is like over 5 feet. You could drown in that!
Lastly, I love the fucking rain! I conceived two of my children in the rain and I’m not ashamed about that fact! Down in Mobile we know how to party! You know what is made of mostly water? BEER! I fucking love beer.
Suck it,
Samuel L Jones
Mayor of Mobile
“
WOW. This dude is rad.
I would like to renounce my last, rather brash, post about Seattle. Yesterday I received an email from Greg Nickels, the mayor of Seattle, that read as follows:
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Dear Mr. Reinhard,
First and foremost I would like congratulate your success as a cutting edge blogger. Many of us up here in the Northwest follow your blog with ardor. We have a few internet wiz-kids up here as well. Ever heard of Bill Gates or Paul Allen?? 
Anyway I digress.
I was excited to find what your latest post would deliver but was ultimately shocked to read about your profane laden blog about our fine town of Seattle. You must realize that while we do receive our fair share of rainfall, 36 inches annually, our fine town of Seattle actually receives less rainfall annually than New York City! Perhaps you should curse the Big Apple next time!
Although rain can sometimes become burdensome, the fine citizens of our fine town can enjoy the great variety of distractions that abound our fine town. Have you ever seen the view from the Space Needle? It is absolutely magnificent!
I hope you change your mind about the fine town of Seattle and come visit us soon! Have you heard of Grunge Rock????
Best Regards,
Greg Nickels
Mayor of Seattle
“
First I would like to say how much I appreciated this email from Mr. Nickels. He seems like a cool dude. And I must say that I enjoyed myself very much the last time I visited Seattle. I think it barely even rained when I was there. I like Seattle but FUCK NEW YORK CITY!
Fuck rain. I hate it. I hate getting fucking wet.
Have you ever been walking on the sidewalk while it’s raining? Then you get splashed because a car drives over a pothole full of rainwater? I have and it fucking sucks. Fuck potholes too.
I hate when people say Southern California needs rain. It DOESN’T need rain. Your lawn needs rain. Fuck your fake ass lawn.
It rains a lot in Seattle…FUCK SEATTLE!
Dumpster guy, I don’t understand you.
Why do you always eat your lunch between the dumpsters behind my work? I’ve seen homeless people sleep next to the dumpsters but never eat next to them. You aren’t even homeless. You sell tours for the company down the street from us. You also have a hunchback.
I pass you sometimes but we never speak. You are busy eating McDonalds next to the dumpster and I don’t want to interrupt your lunch.
You seem relaxed and natural eating next to the dumpsters. Maybe I should try to understand you better…..
While at work, I sat staring at the street. It was probably as close as you can come to doing nothing. Suddenly I felt something stuck between my teeth. My tongue moved around to feel what it was, then I put my fingers inside my mouth. I pulled it from between my front teeth and looked at it closely. It was a hair from my dog Senta.
This would be commonplace except she died exactly one month ago. I’m sure it was her hair, I could never forget that hair. I once made a small pillow stuffed with her hair. I used to live in an apartment full of cockroaches and her hair. For over fifteen years I swore there was an endless supply of her hair.
You might have thought Black Friday marked the end of the holiday deals season, but Walmart has other plans.
Walmart Wii
Starting this Saturday (Dec. 5th), at 8 AM, Walmart will be offering a $50 gift card with every Wii purchase, bringing the effective price of the console down to just $149.99 — and that’s easily the best deal on a Wii we’ve ever seen.
THIS IS FROM THE YAHOO NEWS FRONT PAGE! WHY DOES THIS SOUND EXACTLY LIKE AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR WALMART?!?! BUT I CAN’T HELP BUT LOOK AT YAHOO NEWS!
I’m making a new episode of “The Monster Show” for next week. Any suggestions of where the storyline could go???
