I am White Trash

Last Thursday I was working when a bum came into our office.  He told me “You’re nothing but White Trash” twice.  He also called my boss a Chink.

A-Team Audition

Last week I auditioned for the new version of the A-Team. The show will be airing on MTV2.  Remember the theme song?  I know you do. 

The audition was held at the Burbank REI.  I chugged a couple of Pabst before.  Here is a picture of me getting ready:

I called a bunch of the other actors out.  I screamed at them “I ain’t gettin’ on no plane!”  They seems scared enough and probably choked during their audition.

When it was my turn to audition I NAILED it.  There is nothing more poetic than faking getting shot, making my way up to the top of their climbing wall and yelling “Hannibal!!!”

pantyhose

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mariposa Mountain High

So lately some people have complained about my blog.  I find this insulting yet I must address all my readers’ concerns.   One reader said there were too many words.   This could mean my posts are boring, but I will take it to mean that my blog needs more pictures.

 

(People should really dig this beach photo even though Tolstoy would be ashamed)

There were other complaints but I would have to use words to explain.

 

My friends planned a birthday surprise party for me.  It was rad.

This was before I puked behind Anthony’s car.  I got some on my shirt.  That made me  upset, so I took it off and ran down the street.

Milk Monster played too.  They were rad.  They even played the birthday song.

The night ended with me running through the house to find the kitchen to barf. I almost made it but ralphed a little bit on a girl.  I am sorry.

Then last night I got high with Anthony.  He was about to go to bed after I got home from work, but then he pulled the “I kinda feel like getting high card” on me right before his sleep.  Straight Flush.  I had got a really bad cramp in my calf earlier in the morning…I needed something to ease the pain.

We smoked out of an apple.  The smoke was apple-cool.  I packed a second apple hole bowl.  After this he said I should smoke more because I was still going to be awake after he went to bed.  He was right…I needed to get through the painful night somehow.

I started to make a sandwich.  After I made it I picked up my “plate” only to notice I had made my sandwich on a white upside-down pot lid. WHOOPS! The lid was standing on its knob and the area that I had made my meal on was actually concave.  Anthony and I laughed for a while… it was funny.